Hold Me Daddy (X1,000,000)

"Hold me Daddy!" I must have heard my daughters ask me this a million times today. I love holding my daughters. It is an irreplaceable feeling and experience. It's a great drug for them and for me.

Sometimes days are just bad and a child needs to be held. The words of Rich Mullins came to my mind, 

"Hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf." 

We always need this, but we often fight it in our lives. The song goes on to say,

"Surrender don't come natural to me. I'd rather fight You for something that I don't really want, than take what You give that I need."

It's all too often in life that we get caught up in us and how we are going to have things be. We think we're tough, and we're determined. My kids are constant examples of this, but eventually they tire and come saying,"hold me Daddy." 

When we fail to surrender control as adults, the need to be in control robs us of the ability to have faith in God. We may have all kinds of evidences of past faith, but the need to control this moment is affecting my relationship with God as it stands. And the effects of this control issue run deep, because when I stop trusting God for my needs, I also cease to receive His blessings that accompany faith. This affects me and everyone I come in contact with, be it my family or anyone whom I might have the privilege to shepherd, lead or influence. Whether I need financial resources for X or I need someone for Y, if I don't trust God for what He will provide, or that what He has already provided is sufficient, things start going south quickly.

I've witnessed this in churches where God has provided the people needed to do X, but the leader wants the people to be Y and therefore the blessing of God goes to waste as the leader tries to run quality control instead of trusting that what God has already provided is the answer to past prayers and actions of faith. People leave frustrated. The need for control makes us quick to forget just how capable God has shown Himself to be in the past. 

As believers in a sovereign God, control must be surrendered. We have gotten to a place in our depravity where we are comfortable to say to a multitude of others that we are control freaks and that is who we are. If that is who we are, is it ok for us to edge God out of our lives as we essentially diagnose ourselves as incapable of exercising faith in Him? Is that not what this implies? I'm in control. I do not, I cannot trust You. You are not trustworthy and neither is anyone else!

...when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:8

Too often I let the evidences of faith in my past serve as credit for today, for this moment. I want to learn to have a new faith each moment. A faith that keeps me saying,"hold me Daddy" a million times a day! Faith as new as God's mercies are for me each day. Faith that brings God's blessings to every person I come in contact with. I want to learn the art of trusting in God to hold me in every work I attempt and in any difficulty that I face. Being in control is overrated and chaotic, unless you are God, then it is fitting and orderly. Trying to be in control without being God is like trying to be God without being God. Yes, I just said that.

Letting go of control takes caring about someone outside of yourself, realizing that you are usually harming others in the process. It takes a great deal of humility (which Andrew Murray has described as the virtue of all Christian virtues. Not that it should be anything we desire or strive for *note sarcastic tone). We've got to get back to the place where we came from. The place where we cried out, "hold me Daddy, I've done all I can stand! I need you!" We have to humble ourselves, so that our Father will lift us up in His arms. As a Christian, never fall in line with the worldly perspective of being proud and boastful that you're a control freak. The cliche says,"let go and let God," but it should say, let go of the illusion that you even had a hold on it in the first place, embrace the fact that you can do no good thing apart from Him, and submit to the reality of God!"

James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Micah 6:8
...walk humbly with your God.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him...

Hold me Jesus! X1,000,000... I'm not all that after all! I don't got this!I can't be in control, if You're really God.I surrender. Hold me please.

Change of Heart

One of our struggles being back in the U.S. is adjusting to our new lifestyle, again. For what seems like the 10th time. We are living in the smallest apartment we have ever lived in since getting married. And we are doing it with two young kids and one old dog. We share a wall with a 90-something year old neighbor, who listens to her TV at a deafening level almost every single night. Her TV that backs up to our bedroom wall.

We are driving one car. We had some practice at this in Costa for two years, but being here with one car, some people think we are crazy. (They could be right!) It isn't really a problem, as much as an inconvenience.

We are living in an apartment with this wallpaper in the kitchen:

Why, yes, that is a bird on a branch floating in a cloud of steam from an old percolator-style coffee pot. It's definitely vintage. But not the kind of vintage that you want staring you in the face, closing in the walls of the kitchen/dining/homeschool room on a daily basis. My left eye is twitching just thinking about it.

I have bruises on my legs from bumping into furniture and walls, trying to avoid bumping into another family member as they come out of the kitchen, bathroom, etc.

We have one bathroom. And a child that's potty training. And another child that waits until the last minute to go. And a husband who... never mind, I'll leave those details out. Needless to say, that can be an inconvenience too. 

So the point of all the whining so far is this: yesterday we had a gripe fest. The girls were asleep in the car, and we were driving home from a morning out (avoiding the nursery at church until the cough/fever/snot goes away). Instead of being thankful that we had that time together, we were dreading going home. Does anyone else ever do this, or just us?

I was thinking of what awaited me at home. Laundry to fold, dishes to wash, dog hair to vacuum, etc. And all in that itty bitty apartment. This grumpy feeling stayed with us as we talked about other delightful topics like money, parenting and insurance. It was a delightful chat! When we got home, we started doing anything we could to straighten up, move things around and try to create the feeling of more space. And you know what, in the middle of moving stuff around, I felt loved. Yes, loved.

My attitude took a little longer to catch up to my heart, but when I look around our house I see people. Friends and family who have helped with their time, given sacrificially, and supported us in prayer for the past 3 crazy years of our life. While they may not have taken every step with us, it is a wonderful feeling to have a home filled with love. 

And when you remember how much you are loved - by God and by family & friends - how can you not start to feel better? I hope that whatever your circumstances, you can look around you and see the love of God, and the precious people He has put in your path. And I hope I can remember to give thanks when I think of these blessings to us. I don't dare list everyone here, for fear of leaving someone out, but if you have given anything in the past three years - money, furniture, prayers, time, services - please know that we deeply appreciate it, from the bottom of our hearts. 

God is so good to us! May we keep that truth securely planted in the front of our minds today. I don't want to forget that His blessings are overwhelming. That His goodness abounds. And that His plan is always perfect. 

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers...

Ephesians 1:16

Hopelessness = Faith?

We have officially lived in Lynchburg for 78 days. We have seen snow more in the past 3 months than we have in the rest of our lives combined.

In some ways that doesn't seem like long, and in other ways it feels like an eternity!

Does it feel like home yet? No.
Is it weird to be frustrated with your own (birth) culture? Yes.
Is it tiring to go between "Yay! Look at all the stuff that's available here!" and "I don't want any of this. I don't want to get sucked back in to consumerism."? Absolutely.

But here we are, with the good, the bad, the difficult and the easy. That's true for all of us, right? I mean, as far as I know, there is absolutely NO one who has everything perfect and easy and never doubts God's calling on their life. (If you DO exist, please don't tell me.) Over the past couple of weeks my heart has been heavy. Heavy for people I miss, for people I love, for people who are hurting, and for those who are just about to give up. Even last night I received an email from a friend saying that she feels alone. That she is questioning if they are doing the right thing.

Have you ever been there? I know I have, many times. It's our nature to doubt. To doubt ourselves, our abilities, those around us, even God. Yup, I have doubted God. Too many times to count.

But this morning, in a way that only God can, He reminded me of His faithfulness. In my devotion, I read:

• Did you know that admitting your hopelessness to God can be a statement of faith? Trusting God but feeling despair at the same time, David wrote, "I believed, so I said, "I am completely ruined!'" (Psalm 116:10 NCV)
  
  This sounds like a contradiction: I trust God, but I'm wiped out! David's frankness actually reveals deep faith: First, he believed in God. Second, he believed God would listen to his prayer. Third, he believed God would let him say what he felt and still love him.
  
  Focus on who God is - his unchanging nature. Regardless of circumstances and how you feel, hang on to God's unchanging character. Remind yourself what you know to be eternally true about God: He is good, he loves me, he is with me, he knows what I'm going through, he cares, and he has a good plan for my life. Raymond Edman said, "Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light."
  
  So don't be troubled by trouble. Circumstances cannot change the character of God. God's grace is still in full force; he is still for you, even when you don't feel it. (Rick Warren)
  I just love when God's timing is so crystal clear. And I have lost count of how many times God has proven Himself faithful in my own life! And yet, we doubt. We become hopeless. And our hearts grown heavy. The amazing thing is that God can handle it. Us. He can handle all of our us-ness. He is so UNLIKE us!! Where we would get tired of whining, fear, doubt, and hopelessness, God is there - listening, encouraging, reminding us of WHO HE IS. Nothing we have comes from ourselves. And even when it feels like we are all alone, fighting a battle without an army, HE is there. He never leaves. Even when we screw up. Even when we doubt. Even when we throw a giant pity party. 
  I'm not really sure why I feel so compelled to share this, but I hope it encourages someone. God is so, so good!!!
  

  
  

Exciting News!!

God is so good...

And it is amazing to follow Him as He does only what He can do! His finger prints are all over our lives and we love it. And while not always easy, there is always a sense of satisfaction and confidence in God that accompanies any difficulties.

We have definitely seen God answer prayer in our lives over the past few years. On Wednesday, December 19th, I received a call from the Director of the Liberty University IT Department. I was offered a job! And with that job comes free tuition!! It is exactly what God showed us that He was going to do, and we fought the fight to see His faithfulness.

I start on January 15th (ouch!). We are praising God for all of this, even the extremely difficult timeline. We are in a difficult situation as we try to get things lined up to relocate to Lynchburg. While we've had many donations of household furnishings and other miscellaneous items, we have not been able to rise funds needed to cover our relocation expenses (see the MOVING EXPENSES page to the right >>>>).

Please review the costs involved and consider how you might be able to help us get to Lynchburg. Please pray about what you might be able to do to assist us. We have little time to get things arranged in Lynchburg before arriving there for good, so the sooner any donations come in, the better. As of today, we do NOT have the funds needed to make this move. Please inform us of any donations that are made via email or phone. (jeremiahster@gmail.com or 904.465.5238)

Other important news:

***January 19th will be the last day that SJBC will be accepting your tax deductible donations.***

If you support us via auto deduction/PayPal:
- Please consider moving your donation to the 19th of the month if it has normally processed after the 19th.
- Please don't forget to cancel your automatic monthly PayPal donations before the end of January.
- We ask you to take time to contemplate what a blessing you have been to our family over the past 2-3 years. Your giving has changed so much in us and in those to whom we have ministered. You were with us every step that we took, allowing God to use you in order to make all of this possible. We thank you.Words cannot express the difference you have made in numerous lives. In addition, what I see God doing in our future would not be unfolding without all of you having sent us to Costa Rica. Every sacrifice and gift you have made has influenced so much in our lives. God has used you greatly!

With heartfelt gratitude,
Jeremy, Heather, Olivia & Ava Hicks

good for the soul

I've observed a huge lesson from our kids during this transition process - the gift of laughter and the healing it brings. It's even a biblical principle, but one that's easily forgotten in times of stress, times of uncertainty and especially times of exhaustion.

But our girls, like any other children, find little things to laugh at in the midst of every single day. It's the joy of childhood, I guess, but it's something I want to intentionally work on bringing back in my life as well. The girls are a big part of this, but I can choose to laugh at my mistakes, laugh at things that go wrong, and learn to let go of the little things.

Even when things are unsure, I can laugh because of the faith we have in God, our provider. Laughter takes faith. It requires trust in God, who has unlimited resources and has promised to provide for our needs.

Proverbs 31:25 says "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

And again, in Proverbs 17:22, God says "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."

Hope you find things to smile and laugh about today. Here are a few pictures to get you started!